6 November 2004 - Teck Junior Cup - 2nd Round
Green King Athletic 2 v Darkside 7
Team: Alan, Andy B, Ben M, Craig, Dan, Emmon, Errol, Jim, Mark, Omer, Phill, Richard, Steve, Stuart
Goals: Alan, Andy B, Ben M 2, Craig, Errol, Steve / Assists: Alan, Andy B, Ben M 2, Jim, Mark, Steve / MOTM: Craig / MM: Errol

It was Saturday 6th November 2004, Tech Junior Cup 2nd Round and Darkside take on Green King Athletic, unbeaten in all competitions this season.

Oooooh! The clocks had gone back, would Darkside's recent good form go back too... to the doldrums of the second half of last season when even the man and his dog stopped paying his entrance fee.

The sky looked hung over and constipated, desperate to explode but knowing the blockage would have to wait. Darkside, as usual, were out warming up three days before kick off with the grey gloom staring down at them like the black and white beginning of the Wizard Of Oz. Oh how they, and the man and his dog (who, incidentally, had returned to take his place in the stand) longed for Dorothy's wooden shack to land in Oz so they could open the door to bright colours, birds singing, flowers blooming, sun shining, badgers badging and Munchkin people telling us to 'Follow the Yellow Brick Road, follow the Yellow Brick Road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Yellow Brick Road.' Anyway, we never left Kansas in the end.

The game, meanwhile, started with the same hang over. Neither team could get a hold on the game until the opposition hit a looping shot over Omer 'Laurence of Arabia' Wilson's reaching hand, his only mistake of the game, but only by his own admission. But as usual Darkside did not let their heads or their socks drop. Andy hit a long ball over the top which seemed to be going nowhere until an opposition defender and their keeper got themselves in a strange Karma Sutra hold leaving Steveo 'I thought Princess Diana had a lot to offer to society' Collison free to sneak in and walk the ball into the net, literally. In previous seasons Steveo would have joined in the Karma Sutra hold, but this a new Darkside.

Steveo's goal was like a shot in the ass from an angry farmer who finds you in his goat paddock (I was getting my ball!) to the team they call Darkside and were soon 3-1 up. A great strike from Errol 'I can handle my drink' Warman and a quality Gazza style lob and volley (Euro 96 v Scotland) from Craig 'really I would like to pick the ball up and run with it' Kingston. A late first half goal from Green King was soon cancelled out by a shot from Alan 'yes I do my own hair thanks' Fletcher which slipped through the keepers hands to leave the score 4-2 at half time.

The clouds still stared angrily down at the players when the second half kicked off. You could almost hear the crackle of the Wicked Witch of the West. 'There's no place like home, there's no place like home' moaned the man and his dog as they both pulled their frilly nylon coats right up tight, dedicated followers of Darskide. It was Darkside who made all the running. The back four of Stuart 'the opposition scare me' Peters, Emmon 'Jesus loves you' Simbo, Phil 'Goddamn I used to be pretty' and Steveo played superbly to close everything off the opposition could throw at them. Steveo's runs from the back also caused the opposition trouble and he was unlucky not to score a second, but no one would have believed two Steveo goals in a game! He's only just getting over the loss of Princess Diana.

Although they were only tap-ins (yes I know, they all count!) Lil' Ben 'little little' Mole Little scored two valuable goals to finish the game off. One goal deserves particular mention. A great run from substitute Mark 'yes I ate all the f*cking pies, what you gonna do about it' Hunter who played a great ball to Alan who unselfishly passed it on to Lil' Ben who only had to pass it into the net. A typical Man Utd supporters goal. The team does the hard work and he takes all the glory. He also hit the post from 2.7 yards (I measured it afterwards!), but his work down the right flank left the opposition in disarray, another superb performance from the twenty year old.

But it was captain Andy who finished off the scoring with his second long distance strike of the season, this time with his left foot, and also the second time he has scored the seventh and final goal of a match. Substitutes Richard 'Chris Tom Peter Geoff Simon' Dryland and Jim 'the slim Shandy' Tagg came on in the second half playing brilliantly to prevent the opposition getting back in the game.

Unbelievably, not one of Darksides seven goals came from top goal scorer Dan 'I've just woke up' Swain. A good sign of the strength in the team. But as I think everyone agreed the man of match deservedly went to Craig whose tireless performance in the middle, a quality goal and dealing with a possibly explosive situation made us forget for a second he is from New Zealand.

This year Kingston & District Division 5, next year... OZ!.

Match report by: Andy B