12 November 2005 - League
MMB Reserves 0 - Darkside 5
Team: Adrian, Alan, Andy, Ant, Ben S, Chris K, Craig, Dan B, Dan S, Errol, Mark, Mike, Phill, Tim
Goals: Mike x3, Craig, Tim / Assists: Alan x3, Mike, Tim / MOTM: Ben S / MM: Alan

A cold November day and DSFC were once again on the road in the league. The boys were looking for a return to early season league form, but on the back of two straight defeats in the League and with the Milky bar boys one place above DSFC speculation of a collapse were rife in the media that morning. To add to the media pressure the boys were obviously concerned about mid week controversy surrounding the big man Tanna. The Sun, Mail and Surrey Comet all awash with rumours that he was not 100% focused on matters on the pitch; it was obvious that at least his little eye was focused on Ulrika and the fat girl who won Pop idol last year. Rumours from within the club were also rife, that his mysterious disappearance at Tuesdays training session had more to do with Pizza boys than Pizza consumption.

Tanna wisely booked a last minute scouting trip to Geneva to avoid media attention which thrust a virtually unknown into the top job in KDFL. Manager Mole, once a phenomenon on the pitch, winning Players Player in his first season at DSFC, was left to see what he could do with a mix of youth and receding hairlines. Discarding his mentors 4-5-1 system, Mole returned to the classic 4-4-2 and a surprise move of Saunders switching to right back (the quite possible reason for a splendid first competitive clean sheet of the season), allowing Wright to move up to the wing, rose eyebrows from both sides. The rest of the side looked familiar though, the old guard, Neill, Boyd and Bansept made up the rest of the back four. A return after some weeks at the Priory from Warman to left wing, Kingston unmovable from the centre role was joined by Gale playing the more orthodox 2nd man in middle for the missing Swain and of course up-front none other than the two boys who own the ball and the opposition net with a tally of over 20 goals between them already, Fletcher and Masuku. To finish the line-up, after a week out, Mayes returned to claim his rightful place between the sticks.

The kick-off was delayed by a late call from the ref who obviously couldn't make it, so they found a 10 year old boy to do it instead, who was playing in one of the children's sand pits that had been added to the Weston Green sports facilities during summer renovations. The young boy apparently recognised some of our team from Tuesday night when he'd apparently watched us train from the back of a blue Toyota. Slightly upset by the thought of us messing up some of his sand castles, rumours spread that he may call off the game, but luckily Alan, always good with little boys, reassured him he'd re-build him a much better one after the game and we got the green light.

The DSFC got underway on a pitch more like a Quarry with sticks at both ends, but that wouldn't stop them playing there passing game. Early possession was all DSFC a few chances and some strong tackles by DSFC showed the Milky boys they'd need more than a few pints of Cow juice to win this one.

It took about 15mins to break the deadlock, a break by the opposition was thwarted by an excellent tackle by Neill on the half way line, feeding the ball to the blonde assassin Fletcher, who pushed into the area and cut the ball across to the arriving Masuku who fired home for his 8th in the league this season. Numerous corners came from the pressure that followed and Gale took a few efforts to get his eye in but the pressure kept returning the ball to the Corner 3 times before Gale's 3rd effort looped to the back post where the incoming Boyd rising like a salmon, picked his spot only to see it come back off the post.

DSFC were now inspired, and continued pressure by DSFC kept the ball mostly in the Milky half and when the ball came to Kingston on the half way line there was a sense something special was about to happen. Riding the first challenge then another and probably several more, Kingston found space on the right of the 18yd box before despatching a beauty across the keeper whose flailing fingers got a touch but couldn't keep it our of the top left corner and after struggling last season to find the net notched up his 3rd league goal. The Milky bar boys obviously feeling the pressure started to melt and before half time had even come, and probably due to pressure applied by Neill at left back, they subbed their right winger for another Milky boy who'd eaten far to many milky bars. Other than the Milky number 9 who kept putting his udders about a bit, the milky boys weren't in it much with little or no efforts to speak of, and on the few occasions Mayes was called into action he dealt with them with the calm of a cucumber, fresh out of deep freeze with excellent kicking from the man between sticks making it easy for the back 4 to keep the clean sheet at half time.

Going in 2-0 up at half time the lads were eager to hear the wisdom of Mole.................... could they keep the clean sheet, would it be the first illusive one for the DSFC this season in 7 competitive games, would Mole inspire?

Obviously the few words did the trick and DSFC started as the meant to carry on - corner after corner rained in on the Cow lovers and soon DSFC were playing some lovely footy, Wright breaking down the right flank at will and getting into some great positions feeding Masuku and Fletcher at will, but to no avail in the early period. Masuku had the look in his eye though by this time and it was obvious he wanted to go with more than just the ref. A few balls over the top and into his feet kept causing problems, final Fletcher again put the ball through and Masuku took it past the keeper and cut it back into the empty net with Udders flailing. Number 9 for the season and he wasn't finished.

With the game looking to head towards a flattering looking scoreline for the Milky boys at 0-3 and a beauty sliding chance from Mike coming in late at the back post flying inches over the bar, things seemed to suddenly focus at the other end of the pitch. The number nine seemed to lose control of his Udders on more than one occasion and came in late a number of times on old guard, who were still determined to hold out and finally get that clean sheet. A few half chances saw the Milkies get down the line only to be thwarted by Neill and, Man Of The Match (somewhat strangely), Saunders on either side. Then the Frenchman Bansept who'd played solidly as usual at Centre Back saw red after some poor Udder control which appeared to see him hit around the head. Strong words were had and after some calming words from Neill, Bansept only appeared more determined. Then the Cow lovers best chance saw them Moooing all the way back to the sand pit where the boychild ref must have been sitting digging more sand-castles not to see Bansept handle just inside his own area, intensional or not, it could have been given and rained milk on the DSFC party.................. but it was not to be!

DSFC picked it up and looked more assured than ever, Mike fed again by Fletcher knocked in the 4th - his 10th of the season in the league - and became hat-trick hero. Chances still kept coming, Neill broke the defence and put the ball through for Wright but it was not to be and the keeper and defender managed to just scramble away in time.

Mole decided it was now time to change it around a little and see if we couldn't give the game a realistic scoreline, so with only minutes between substitutions Warman was replaced by Patton and Saunders by Kidwell to give the team a new look with Wright now in an orthodox Right back position, Gale moving up-front and Patton and Fletcher now on the wings, Kidwell taking Gales place in the middle.

It was inspired, Kidwell having a speculative long range effort, Patton coming agonisingly close twice with two delicate chips over the keeper from the edge of the box and then finally the ball broke to Tim revelling in his new forward position he rounded one player saw the keeper off his line and deftly chipped him from outside the box, a worthy 5th Goal. If you'd thought it was all over, there was still time for a late free kick on the edge of the Milky 18yd box. Kingston put the ball down and as Neill stepped up words were had and it was obvious Neill felt he had a goal in him, but Kingston wanted it He'll probably have had sleepless nights since, thinking about his free kick which sailed high and wide! Should he have let Neill take it?..........................probably.

The boychild finally worked out how the game worked and blew up after about 93mins to end a good DSFC performance and leaving the Cow lovers crying into their milk, whilst Alan (following a slightly unlucky personal result of yet another Monkey Moment for a miss) frantically rebuilt sand castles to ensure the ref didn't have a tantrum. Will the 5-0 win put them back on track? Can the mino's become giant killers against Frensham? Did Tanna really have anything to do with the fat girl from Pop Idol.....................? Maybe, but at least the win should keep the media off the big man's back when he returns to take the reigns again on saturday.

Match report by: Phill