Andy Mayes
Goalkeeper

Football: Another new recruit this summer, answered an SOS internet ad for a goalkeeper, presumably because it’s the position no one else wants to play in. Prior to being snapped up on free this summer and spared of a second consecutive year in the football wilderness, the peak of Andys illustrious playing career was helping guide the legendary Pigeons university 5-a-side team to the league championship (of 6 teams) and an on loan appearance for Takapuna City (New Zealand). Previously nicknamed SuperTed for his deceptive height and gravity defying leaps in attempting to keep out the ball (no jokes about the misjudgement last week please!) , Andy is looking forward to a successful season with his new Darkside employees (although in actual fact he’s paying them to play).

Hobbies: Football, tennis, travelling.

Best chat up line: Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Best joke: Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".