Dan Swain
Forward

Football: From afar he may just seem like a target man, but you’d be mistaken for thinking his main quality is height and heading ability! A consistent track record of 20+ goals in the KDL over the past 3 seasons have shown a goalscoring ability, however it does disguise the fact that he heads like his bonce is shaped, a bar of Toblerone.

Hobbies: Off the pitch, with an array of hobbies, you may find him on the London music circuit with his bass guitar, or in the garden showing off his green fingers or in the pub performing an array of dance moves allowing for his addiction to Tequilla, Vodka and Red Bull.

Best chat up line: Have you washed your pants in windowlene, cos I can see myself in them.

Best joke: So, this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought, "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".