Paul Dixon
Forward

Football: In the early 1990's rumours were rife throughout football circles that the world had finally found "the next George Best", then shock swept through all levels of the beautiful game when in summer 1994 the hotshot decided to "do a George Best" by hanging up his boots in retirement. This unprecedented move, saw three young female fans commit suicide within 24 hours, and produced the now infamous "Don't Go Dixon" riots culminating with a record 9,319 arrests in one night.

In recent times Paul has come to the decision to place his successful Hollywood film career on hold, as the prospect of "one last swansong with the Darkside" was to much to turn down. His £90,000 a week wage demand raised one or two eyebrows throughout the inner sanctums of the Kingston and District League, whilst more educated and respected pundits were left quoting "pace, flare, vision, finishing ability - it's all there - I see 25 goals by Christmas is a real possibility".

Hobbies: Looking into the bottom of an empty pint glass and trying to remember why he hung up his boots 10 years ago.

Best chat up line: Hel... how you d... what's your na... come here oft... sod it, where's that bar?

Best joke: Bloke goes into a bar and says "Darkside FC won't win the league this season".