Paul Simmonds
Midfield

Football: Paul joined the Darkside in the 2003/04 season, after a turbulent transfer from Old Wokonians, and set the team on fire by scoring 2 goals on his debut; the first of which audaciously lobbed the goalkeeper from just inside the halfway line. Despite Paul failing to live up to the goal-scoring precedent he set in his first game, Paul commanded the midfield for the rest of the season, flying high, gazelle-like across the centre of the park. Paul has been likened to Frank Lampard, the midfield general of his beloved Chelsea, giving his 100% to the game, or 100% to the 85minutes he plays, after arriving minutes before kick-off and getting changed at the touchline.

Hobbies: Paul enjoys hard-partying, face massages and playing golf.

Best chat up line: I love you... in a way...